Women’s March 2018

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I hope you enjoy the comic above.  I just thought I’d also share my thoughts on the “women’s march”, and 21st century feminism in general.  I have a great deal of respect for the recent movement to bring to justice powerful men who have abused women.  This includes the #metoo and #timeisup hashtags.  I wish they’d organize into a march, one that reflects their principled, non-partisan approach to women’s rights.

However, I have little respect for this so-called women’s march.  They call themselves “women’s march”, yet only march for women they agree with.  They don’t allow pro-life feminists a place at the table.  They don’t tolerate women for Trump.  They might say, “but Trump has abused women.”  But then I see those “I’m with her” signs, and in addition to all of her husbands sex crimes that she helped cover up, it’s recently been discovered that a woman on her campaign was sexually harassed, and she didn’t remove the man from her campaign.  By the same logic that they won’t tolerate women for Trump, they shouldn’t tolerate “I’m with her”.

Which sums up the reason for my disdain for this whole thing.  They claim to represent “women”, yet they really only serve a partisan agenda.  They seek to manipulate women into becoming DNC foot soldiers.  It’s the same trick that many third wave feminists use when as follows:

“Are you a feminist?”

“No”

“You mean you don’t believe in equality for women?”

“Well, yeah, I believe in equality for women.”

“So you’re a feminist.”

“OK”

“So you’re pro-choice, pro-gun control, support punishing employers who won’t pay for all forms of birth control, and voted for Hillary Clinton?”

“No”

“So you’re not a feminist?”

“I guess not.”

“Why don’t you support equality for women?!!”

The women’s march is full of partisan hypocrites devoid of intellectual integrity.  They demand respect and wear vagina hats.  They demand the most stringent sexual harassment laws, then chant and sloganeer about their lady parts.  And worst of all, they try to trap women into voting a certain way, and taking a slate of positions of various issues, based on their gender.  I respect women too much to tell them that they have to take a certain set of positions because of their gender.  As with men, I respect women who earn respect.  I don’t respect those whose behavior doesn’t earn respect.  With equality comes responsibility, and while I think those who share the #metoo get that, the so-called women’s march does not.

So, am I a feminist?  In the Mary Wollstonecraft sense, yes.  In the Susan B. Anthony sense, yes.  In the Christine Sommers sense, yes.  In the Hillary Clinton sense, AW HELL NAW!

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How To Raise A Daughter Who Will Appreciate Your Sweet Son

StrongGirl

For too long, as in, most of human history, women have been subjected to various forms of sexual abuse at the hands of men.  Most of this is in the form of harassment, some of it is groping and the like, and some…is rape.  As the father of a beautiful baby girl, I’m glad to see the amount of attention that is being brought to this now, and the effort being put into combating this.  After reading Faith Salie’s Time article, “How to raise a sweet son in an era of angry men”, it’s clear that many women only see half the problem.  There isn’t much in this article with which I disagree, but what isn’t said is very troubling.  It is troubling because I know from personal experience that she could be setting up the “sweet boys” of today to become the “angry men” of tomorrow.

How Boys Become Angry Men

Salie addresses many of the problems with how boys are raised.  They are taught to be “tough”, and not allowed to be “sweet.”  They are taught that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness.  The contrary holds true, however.  As Salie explains rather hopefully, “Sweet boys grow up to be men who recognize the strength in being vulnerable and empathetic.”  This is, indeed, a strength.  But here’s what Salie completely neglects to consider.

From about the 90s onwards, boys grow up in conflict.  Their dads tell them to toughen up.  TV tells them that such macho men make fools of themselves, and that the sweet guys are wiser.  So, some boys listen to Dad.  Others, with a rebellious streak, spite Dad and listen to TV.  I’m sure Salie is hoping for the latter.  But the latter, little does she suspect, can become the very angry men she fears.

Here’s how it works.

The boy grows up being “sweet”.  As a teen, instead of hitting on the girl he likes as a typical teenage boy, watching her bend over and wolf whistling, and the like, making his innuendos, moving in, copping a feel, etc. – instead, he is “sweet”.  He respects the girl he likes, holds her books for her, buys her things, complements her makeup, pretends to like the same girlie shows or chick flicks she’s into.  The sweet boy soon finds himself in the “friendzone.”  Regardless of ideology, biology is what it is.  And girls are attracted to what they’re attracted to, especially when they’re raised permissibly.  As Gloria Estefan once sang, “Bad bad bad bad boys, they make me feel so good!”  A timeless truth.

While mutual friendship between boys and girls, men and women, is healthy; the “friendzone” paradigm is toxic.  This toxicity is part of the problem.

As the sweet boy grows up, he watches the girls he likes going with the wrong kind of guy, over, and over, and over again.  As he starts thinking and debating, and complains to the average feminist, what does she tell him?  “You’re not entitled to a woman’s body!  Her body, her choice!”  Gee, thanks, that’s very helpful.  Consequently, the “sweet boy” is filled with righteous indignation at the injustice!  I did what I was supposed to do!  I respected women!  And this is what I get?!  The most extreme of these might be the next “Elliot Rodgers”, and go on a killing spree.  Some of them become rapists.  A larger portion simply start pushing the boundaries.  They stop respecting women, they start hitting on women as their colleagues did as teenagers.  And guess what?  Sometimes – it works!  But any woman attracted to that, will never make him happy, nor will she be happy herself.

So should we raise “bad boys”?

I can’t blame fathers who care about their sons for raising them in such a way that they will thrive in this world, including in their dealings with the opposite sex.  But as a society, we can do better than this.  Many aspects of our biology are simply outdated, such as a man’s instinct to be overly macho, as well as a woman’s instinct to be attracted to such machismo.  Fortunately, there are some wise women out there who know better.  My wife is one of them, and I’m a very lucky man.  Sadly, our happy marriage is very much the exception, rather than the norm.

It’s a two way street, ladies

We are emphasizing raising boys to respect women, yet girls are raised to do whatever feels good in the moment because “girls can be anything boys can”.  In so doing, we are raising the angry men of the future.

If we want a future with the kinds of relationships built on mutual respect, vulnerability and empathy, and where a relationship and marriage is a partnership where each complements the other; then we must raise our boys and girls accordingly.

We need to teach our girls that the guy their instincts tell them to put in the “friendzone” because he’s “such a sweet guy”, he’s the guy who will treat her right.  We need to teach our girls the danger of going with the guys who excite them.  Get them out of the “Dirty Dancing” mentality.

We need to raise the kind of girls who will seek the kind of boys that Salie is raising.  We need to teach our girls that they teach others how to treat them, and that actions have consequences.  “Pussyhats” and promiscuity are not empowering!  But too often, this is exactly what I see from this generation of females.  I’ve seen a group of girls in a public place exchanging gifts that included some very explicit sex toys.  I’ve seen them take pictures of each other pretending to perform sexual acts on each other.  Then I’ve watched them suddenly become shocked and appalled that some random guy shouted a comment at one of them that was maybe half as crude as the behavior that preceded.

We have to raise our girls better than that.  How can we expect boys to respect them, if they don’t respect themselves?

The Example

I had a wonderful grandmother who was crucial to my upbringing.  And she taught me, not by words, but by how she lived her life, what a strong woman truly is.  She told me about her and my grandfather when they started dating.  He was shy.  She approached him.  She initiated their first hand holding, their first kiss, etc.  He was in many ways a strong man.  Abuse one of his daughters, get your lights knocked out.  But apparently, he was rather shy approaching the opposite sex when he was single.  My grandmother even at a young age was wise enough to appreciate a sweet boy, who became a sweet man.

My grandmother also understood modesty.  She had no problem calling a “slut” a “slut”.  She had no problem saying that women who were scantily clad, out late at night, drunk, etc. were likely to get raped.  My grandmother was of the generation that overcame the Great Depression, won the greatest war the world has ever seen, and put America on top!  She was the New Deal Democrat who also liked Ike.  Her generation had no more time for petty partisanship than they had for vitriolic gender wars.  They were left an America in decline, and they were not going to accept that.  They decided to do better.

Raising Girls To Become Truly Empowered Women

I plan to raise my daughter to be as much like my grandmother as possible.  If we raise our daughters to be strong yet modest, tough yet compassionate, and wiser than their primitive biological instincts, then Salie’s efforts to raise “sweet boys” will not be in vain.  If, however, a generation of women raise their daughters on their own insecurities, projecting their pain caused by the wrong kind of men onto their sons and daughters, then we’re just raising another generation of broken, angry men, and vulnerable, abused women.  There is no empowerment in going with “bad boys” because it “feels good.”  Girls are not “fighting the patriarchy” by subjecting themselves to their baser instincts, and then blaming the “sweet guys” for the consequences.  If my grandmother’s generation can overcome America’s greatest challenges and put us on top, then we can do better than our parents have over the last few decades.  Like America’s greatest generation – we can do better!

“If we really want to make America great, we do it together!” – Hawk Newsome (BLM organizer)

Trump Creepin’ on Clinton? Gimme a break!

Ermagerd!  He’s so creepy!

To my fellow travelers on the Trump Train, here’s how we should deal with this absurd claim that Trump was creeping on Hillary in that second debate.

Donald Trump is married to the beautiful, intelligent, exotic Melania Trump.

donandmelaniatrump

Yeah, Hillary Clinton’s got nothin’ he wants!  Boom!  I’m out!

 

Christine Sommers is consistently pro-choice – deal with it!

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Christina Sommers has been very consistent in her pro-choice position.  She’s always supported a “woman’s right” to choose abortion*, and has always opposed government funding for abortion.  She sees it as a freedom, not an entitlement.  Despite this, “rationalwiki” claims that her views have modified.  This article is informative, but somewhat slanted, as it follows Sommers unique life as a feminist and seems to describe her as drifting away from feminism.  On abortion, their claim that she has “modified” her stance on abortion is based in part on her position that abortion should not be pushed onto women who oppose it for religious or other reasons.  Yeah, that’s called being pro-choice…as opposed to being pro-abortion.  Many so-called pro-choicers are actually pro-abortion, such as by opposing even so much as a 24 hour waiting period for a woman seeking an abortion, or requiring women receive some basic medical information.  Sommers just wants women to have the choice, she isn’t trying to make it happen.

The “rationalwiki” article’s other justification for saying she’s “modified” her position is the following quote:

“I find it appalling that there is such a disregard for what is in fact a majority of our countrymen [pro-lifers] who view it differently, and some passionately. Rather than attack them as somehow engaged in some kind of dark conspiracy against women’s bodies, we have to understand why they hold these positions… and why it’s not going away as a moral question.”

So, she recognizes that prolifers have other reasons for opposing abortion than being “anti-woman”, or trying to control women.  I’m pro-life, and have no desire to control women.  I want to stop the termination of an innocent life.  If women don’t want a baby, and use birth control, that’s their choice.

What this really boils down to, as you can see from the general tone of the “rationalwiki” article, is that Christine Sommers is an independent feminist, rather than just another vitriolic, rape-fear mongering, male basher spouting talking points about a non-existent patriarchy.  Sommers is a true feminist in that she believes women are equal to men, and will likewise stand up for men by the same standard.  This has caused her to be perceived by others as an “anti-feminist”, which the article admits.  However, the article falls into the same kind of paradigm thinking, assuming that feminism is what we are led to believe it is, rather than what it is actually.

Today’s “feminists”, after a lengthy male bashing tirade, and denouncing fellow women who don’t conform to the current “third wave of feminism”, or pretending to speak on behalf of all woman kind, then quote the dictionary definition of feminism, as follows:

“the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities” from Merriam Webster 

Most self-identified feminists have little in common with this definition, but Christine Sommers is the real deal.  Due to Sommers’s courageous stand for gender equality, many in the “feminist movement”, particularly the “third wave”, find it hard to accept that she really does believe in women’s rights, including abortion.*  Her consistency and devotion to gender equality puts the modern “feminist” movement to shame.

*For the record, I do not consider abortion to be a “woman’s right” or anyone’s right.  Nobody has the right to kill an innocent unborn child.  I do believe in a woman’s right to use birth control, and with that right, I fail to see why abortion is necessary.  Don’t want to get pregnant, buy a $1 condom!

Bring back Bossy

#banbossy

Do you remember the whole #banbossy movement?  It was a mostly feminist effort to ban, or socially ostracize the word “bossy” because they decided that it was used to discourage assertive women who sought leadership roles.  They seemed to think that only strong women are called “bossy”, while strong men are respected for their leadership skills.

Some time back, I had a boss, an older lady about 5 feet tall, probably around 60 years old, blonde hair, and a deep raspy voice from years of smoking.  She was a strong woman who anyone with any sense knew not to mess with.  She’s also about the nicest boss I’ve ever worked for!  Anytime she wanted me to do something, she never told me.  She asked.  She’d always call it a “favor”, even though it was really me just doing my job.  She’d always say please and thank you.  Whenever someone did an exceptional job, she always showered them with verbal appreciation.  Result?  Everyone loved her, everyone respected her, and stuff got done.

I also remember a young female supervisor from my UPS days, also blonde, also about 5 feet tall.  I grew to like her later on, but at first, she was bossy.  She shouted orders, repeated them even more angrily if you didn’t hear her (it was a very noisy warehouse environment).  She’d instruct me to do one task, and then catch me in mid task and order me to change.  I’m a completest by nature, and hate leaving something unfinished.  It’s as painful to me as holding my breath, and finishing the task is like suddenly breathing again.  Well, she was actually a smart, and very driven lady, but she really needed to change her attitude.  Over the years, she did!  My last impression of her is of her very effectively running a safe and efficient sort aisle.  She still had a stern nature, but had learned to be more consistent with instructions, and explained to her employees why things were being done a certain way, rather than just ranting orders.

I myself, many months ago, was trying to be more leader-like at a job.  I started seeing myself as the glue that held that place together, in part because I was training most new hires.  I came up with some of my own ideas to make things run better, and made the changes without consulting anyone.  My coworkers went along with it, and I’ve seen recently that my changes are still in effect.  When I needed something done, I didn’t ask, I told, especially when things were hectic.  I didn’t mean to be a prick, but I was.  Finally, a much older coworker, a veteran that I respect, pulled me aside and gave me some straight talk.  He told me flat out “You’re not the boss around here”.  It wasn’t pleasant, but I knew he was right.  Did I play victim?  Did I act like he was trying to discourage me?  Did I try to #banbossy?  No.  I apologized to him, because I knew he was right.  It was no fun being told that I was “bossy”, but I’m so glad that he told me (Oh, and I’m a man by the way).  I’ve since learned that no matter how logical my ideas are, you don’t manage people effectively just by being right.  If bossy men or women want to be treated with respect, they need to be respectful.  I’ve now learned that if I ask people nicely, and then say thank you, I get far better results.

Let’s bring “bossy” back.  I don’t mean bossiness, I mean the word “bossy”.  If someone is being bossy, have a talk with them one on one.  Don’t do it in front of coworkers, it’s embarrassing and disrespectful.  Do it in private.  That shows that even though you’re having an unpleasant discussion, you’re doing it not to hurt them, but to improve a situation.  If any women have been manipulated by the #banbossy video or movement, I ask that you instead take “bossy” as constructive criticism.  You’re not being called “bossy” because you’re a woman.  It’s because you need to improve you’re PR.  I know it’s easy to get so focused on the job itself that you just want things to get done, but your coworkers are human beings, not computers, and will go the extra mile for you if your make them feel good about working for you.  The small effort of a few kind words will pay you back tenfold in efforts towards the task at hand.  Just try it!

Interesting link(s):

Ana Kasperian and guests give a solid criticism of the #banbossy campaign

Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting is alright by me

KaleyCuocoandRyan

Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting’s recent comments, that she doesn’t consider herself a feminist, are not surprising.  There was a very predictable angry reaction by twitter feminists that I’d like to address.

Feminists of the past made many great achievements for women in America and the world, such as voting rights, rights to education, careers, property rights and the right to pursue leadership positions in government or the private sector.  That Kaley doesn’t embrace the feminist label today, does not betray these feminists of the past.  Today’s “feminists” are far less interested in equality, and far more interested in male bashing, playing victim, crying “RAPE!” anytime a woman regrets having sex (but not men of course), and demanding tax-payer funding for the consequences of their sexual liberty.  I’m not surprised that an intelligent, successful, and happily married Kaley has no interest in THAT feminism.  She actually explained it very well in the interview, that she’s never experienced the kind of discrimination and inequality that feminism stands against.

That she loves “serving her man” is not a statement of subordination.  I love making my wife happy, and she loves making me happy.  Dr. Phil used to say that a successful “marriage isn’t 50/50, but 100/100.”  Sure, you make compromises, but if you love your spouse, there’s no quid pro quo.  You are happy making them happy, and I see no reason why a liberated woman can’t cook for her husband if it makes HER happy.

As always, there’s the “feminist” or two who refers to the “meaning of feminism”, usually the dictionary definition.  Yes, the dictionary defines feminism as “the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities” because that is the traditional definition, and it is what feminists of the past fought for.  I fail to see how forcing Hobby Lobby to pay for birth control, or crying rape while simultaneously pushing for gun control (making it harder for women to protect themselves) is consistent with that definition.  I think Kaley knows exactly what “feminism” has come to mean, and that’s why she has no interest in it.

Lastly, I’d like to defend her role in The Big Bang Theory, as Penny.

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Maybe based on the pilot, one might get the impression that Penny was the stereotypical “dumb blonde”, but as the show developed, one could see this was not the case.  Penny isn’t ditsy, she isn’t spoiled, and she isn’t shallow.  She does have a far-fetched dream of becoming an actress, which she eventually gives up on by the current Season 8 in favor of a more promising career.  Throughout the series, Penny is often the street smart character who has bailed out her genius male friends more than once.  They’ve bailed her out too.  That’s what friends do.

Besides, the show as a whole is not giving the impression that women are dumb and men are brilliant scientists…if you bother to watch past the pilot episode.  Next came Bernadette, who started off as a Cheesecake Factory waitress, but earned a PhD in Microbiology, and became a successful researcher and developer for a big pharm company.  My personal disdain for that industry aside, Bernadette is not some dumb blonde clearly, though she may appear that way at first glance.  Then came Amy, Sheldon’s “girl slash friend”, later “girlfriend”.  Amy is a socially awkward, brilliant neurosurgeon who, like Sheldon, slowly becomes more sociable and street smart thanks to her friendship with Penny…you know…the “dumb blond waitress”?