As of today, at app. 3:15 PM EDT, President Trump has announced that he has found the cure for cancer! Sec. of HUDD Ben Carson played a crucial role, however, at the very least. Given Dr. Carson’s excellent track record in the medical field, having been the first to successfully separate conjoined twins, many believe that it was largely Dr. Carson who is responsible. This was first suggested by former Sec. of State Hillary Clinton during an interview with CNN’s Anderson Cooper. When asked if he was taking too much credit from Dr. Carson, the President responded, “He’s a nice guy, and he’s working really hard. But crooked Hillary is a loser. She wouldn’t know anything about curing cancer. She lost the race even with everyone in the fake news supporting her.” The President declined further comments.
Trump may cause a recession
Many Congressional Democrats and die hard Keynesian economists warn, however, that this could cause a recession. Nobel Prize winning economist Paul Krugman remarked, “In addition to the retail jobs that will be lost to the trade war Mr. Trump is starting, many higher paying jobs in chemotherapy will be lost. Researchers, doctors, nurses, lab techs, and many more. Mr. Trump really should have consulted with qualified economists before proceeding with his Cancer cure.”
Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer also weighed in:
“The President has not considered how this will affect many of the people who voted for him. Many of those hard working nurses pulling double shifts to make ends meet will find themselves with fewer hours, or even laid off. I’m sure Congressional Republicans will feel the effects of this in November.” Schumer added that before implementing this cure for cancer, the FBI should conduct a thorough investigation into the possibility of Kremlin scientists colluding with the Trump administration to find this cure.
Healthcare lobbyist and former DNC Chair Howard Dean, however, has proposed a solution, as follows:
“Trump, or actually Carson’s cure for cancer is still very new, and can’t be guaranteed to work. We also can’t be sure of side effects. There should be a 5 year moratorium on this cure until we can be sure be completely sure that we know all of the side effects. This will also stave off a healthcare worker recession for at least 5 years. After that, as we can’t be 100% sure that it will cure cancer in every patient, we should mandate that anyone receiving the cure be required to also undergo chemotherapy as a plan B.”
10 out of 10 health insurance CEOs agree with Dean, according to a Gallup poll.
Another Gallup poll focused on the American population at large showed that 46% of Americans support Trump’s cure for cancer, 52% opposed, and 2% unsure. 97% of self-identified Republicans approve, compared to 11% of Democrats, and 51% of Independents. Trump’s approval rating as President has also increased by 3% following this announcement.