Does chastity hurt men more than women?

Elizabeth Raines

Elizabeth Raines auctioned off her virginity and claimed that chastity is a tool of female suppression.  I think she has it backwards.  I do agree with her point that a woman’s morality should be judged by her kindness, courage, character, etc. and not by whether or not she is a virgin.  However, I contend that this double standard hurts men far more than women.

I spent much of my early adult life holding the belief that sex should be saved until marriage, and I lived up to my own standards.  However, I eventually learned the truth.  Women who are virgins, who are perceived as “innocent” are far more attractive to men, than such “innocent” men are to women.  Men are so often attracted to innocence.  The age old appeal of “deflowering” still holds true.  Woman, however, are rarely attracted to innocent men.  Women are attracted to confidence, boldness, experience, etc.  If you are naturally confident and bold as a man, you might be able to get away with being inexperienced.  However, if you are not, experience might be the only way you can gain such confidence.

The truth is that from a very young age, boys are pressured to “get some”, even sometimes by their parents.  My parents were very supportive of my morals, but I know many others are not, and I understand why.  As much as “feminists” complain about how men are only interested in one thing, their very sense of liberation, their very desire to fully free themselves from any kind of self-control and indulge all of their primal urges causes them to make themselves readily available to such experienced men.  As men see what these women are attracted to, they adjust themselves accordingly.

I realized this in my late twenties, but only did what was necessary.  Instead of turning into just another guy and learning to attract such ordinary women, I gained just what experience was necessary, and then found one of the good ones.  My wife is truly one in a billion…or 7 billion (the global population).

Fortunately, things finally turned out well for me, but I’ll never forget what I learned.  That Elizabeth Raines was able to auction her virginity only further proves my point.*  Can you imagine a man selling his virginity?  Part of me wants to encourage Raines to reconsider, as her first time should be “something special”.  However, mine was not, and I’m glad it wasn’t.  I wanted it to be cheap and meaningless, because my “purity and morality” had become my burden.  My first time was not cheap and meaningless, but it was with a friend.  She was unaware that it was my first.  I didn’t want her to feel any guilt, so I didn’t tell her until after.  (I don’t know if that makes sense).  I have no regrets.  Even as I spoke to my priest of this, and I considered it technically a sin, he saw right through me and knew that I had no regrets.

Chastity, therefore, is much better for women today than it is for men, at least in the western world.  While women have been “liberated” from social pressures to be “pure”, men have not been liberated by social pressures to “become a man”.  When freedom of choice is truly respected, and decisions are made with the mind rather than arousal, only then will we have evolved beyond our more primal ancestors.  Until then, at least on sexuality, we’re just dressed up cave people.

*Ms. Raines did change her mind, however.  She was persuaded by her university and employer to focus on her studies and work.


This article sparked my interest in writing this piece


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