Pickup Artistry or Hokum?

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Pick-up artists (PUAs) claim to have mastered the “art” of seducing women.  You might think their work largely appeals to men who are only looking for one thing, but the most susceptible men are actually nice, quiet, lonely men who have hit rock bottom with women.  I’m honest enough to admit I was there once, and it was then that a friend of mine introduced me to “pick up artistry”.  I’ll admit, when I started reading the book he sent me, I was impressed.  However, as I continued reading, and he continued telling me about it, I had second thoughts.  I began to realize that even if it did work, I would not be happy that way.

PUA’s have a series of tactics they use.  For example, if you see a girl you like, and she is with a friend, don’t talk to the one you like, talk to her friend.  That way, the one you like will start getting interested in you, and be slightly jealous of the attention you’re giving her friend.  How is that genuine?  While watching my favorite sitcom currently on the air, Big Bang Theory, the character Howard (clearly a PUA in training) suggested using what I think he called “back handed compliments”.  This is where you say something like, “Most girls wouldn’t look good with greasy hair, but it works for you.”  That is designed to show interest, while at the same time making her self-conscious.  The Howard character also tries to do magic tricks and such to impress women…he nearly always fails.

So despite Howard, can this actually work?  Well, most PUAs swear by it.  They say something like, “It didn’t work at first because I was too nervous, but as I kept practicing, it starting working.  I just got this girl’s phone number.”  Yes, if you use just about any tactic on say, 100 women, eventually 1 might be interested.  That doesn’t mean that PUA strategies actually work, it just means that you are an average guy who is appealing to some women.  The one thing that he PUAs are right about is that if you are unauthentic by never approaching women you are interested in, you will get nowhere.  However, using their strategy is very unlikely to lead to a relationship.  If cheap sex is what you’re looking for, than PUA may be for you.  I’m not here to judge anyone, just to help

If you are truly genuine, nervousness and all, you can and will find what you’re looking for.  If you are a single guy in a rut right now, and you want to find love, a relationship, etc. I have a few pieces of advice for you.  Don’t change who you are, but change who you are approaching or dating.  You are likely approaching the type of woman who is all wrong for you, even though you think she’s perfect.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting the same result.  If you try to change who you are, you’ll never be happy.  You should instead try to find someone different.  If you are normally attracted to a particular type of woman, try approaching women who are “not your type”.  Also try meeting women in a different kind of place than you usually do, as you’re certain to meet a different kind of woman.  Lastly, don’t let this consume your life.  If you like your job, focus on that.  Maybe find a cool hobby, or get involved in church or something.  When finding a relationship was all I thought about, I was getting nowhere.  When I started focusing more on my career instead, lo and behold, I met the woman I would marry!

 

PS Though this is largely addressed to men, women’s perspectives are certainly welcome.

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